Overcoming doubts of love pt.1

Allowing you to love me and being open and receptive to all of the love that you give has been one of my favorite decisions. Of course, due to loving you and the person that you are I want it to be the best decision I make for the rest of my life and that is where yet more limiting beliefs come into play. Throughout the course of our relationship, it has been extremely difficult to get it through my head that you genuinely wanted this and genuinely respected and cared for me. Doing something that could interfere with my happiness is the complete opposite of where your head is. You have shown me over this last year what it means to be in love with someone. What many tend to forget is that loving someone and being in love with someone (meaning they're an active participant) is two different things. I have thought I was in love with someone before, I thought I had all of this "experience" but I know now that I have loved others that didn't necessarily love me back they just thought they did. 

Every day for the last 11 months you show me that I am cared for. The things that are significant to me or hold an extreme value you also value and respect. You give me the freedom to be myself this includes but is not limited to my sassy mouth, spicy ass attitude, me waking up in the morning and talking all the way up until I pass out in the evening and everything in between. This time last year, I manifested you. I thought to myself how awesome it would feel when I finally met the one I was supposed to be with. Although reconnecting with you the way I did was unexpected,  I guess when something is meant to happen it will find its way. Even when it first happened, I am in my head thinking "this is too good to be true" but what set me at ease was the way you decided to move with the entire thing. I was accustomed to guys meeting me and instantly wanting to "make me theirs", but you did the complete opposite of making me feel like an object in which could be possessed. Your decision to befriend me and take it one day at a time is what got us to where we are now. 

Although difficult to keep our hands completely to ourselves we managed to get reacquainted for months before we placed any type of a label on anything. Even then we barely used one. You are just you to me and I am me to you. We are friends, we are lovers, we are each others motivation, we are each others team mate, we are so much more than a man to a woman although I am definitely the woman to that man!! I respect the relationships and bonds you have and are building with my family and siblings as I on my end am working on building my own foundations with yours. The goal was to build a foundation that was solid and could not be broken by the damaging outside world and the people of it. As we know when you have something in abundance it is frowned upon, even if it is your happiness. We protect what we have by leaving communication open, laughing every night and regardless of flaw, loving every day. 

Being in a partnership with this person has taught me so many valuable lessons about life as well as myself. Things that friends and family have been telling me about myself for years that I was forever in denial about, things that I didn't even notice. People around us notice a difference but you know how I make you feel that is your story to tell, right now this is mine. For a few months on and off I have been having these weird dreams of things happening that shouldn't be and here is why - my soul is purging. I have manifested a great life and love for myself what that means is old wounds and baggage will come to the surface and in order for my life and love to flourish I must rid those limiting beliefs or that little voice that from night to night tries to tell me I know what to expect (meaning the worst). See EVERY relationship that I have been in I have been betrayed - it should be no surprise why my subconscious just wants to doubt what is going on. However, the thing is everyone who cheated or lied in some way always did things that made their cheating or betrayal obvious..it would happen repeatedly, so it became expected of them ... it seemed as if every guy in the world was that way because it happened in every relationship. However, I decided that if I exist I knew the perfect counterpart for me existed too. 

So instead of allowing my subconscious worries ruin a great thing because of what it is used to reoccurring - I am going to break the cycle. The only way you can ever truly overcome something is by facing it head on. One thing I have not done is written about my love because I was afraid of causing a repetitive cycle. This man in every way deserves to be one of the things I write about because well... I write about the things and people who touch my heart in the most influential manner and he definitely does. I am facing my fears by expressing my love for you in an open manner and throwing all caution to the wind as I overstand this is the only way I will overcome those thoughts, by defeating them. 

You are trusting me not to be another who leaves, and I am trusting you not to be another who betrays. I guess we have some great actions to display and I do not for a second doubt we can get it done. We have done such a great job thus far. I have in a lot of ways watched you become more of a man and you have in many ways contributed to the woman I am today. Let's just grow together.

(to be continued)